What to look for in a Nanny?
"I recommend a peaceful, reliable person. A good nanny would be a person who is a good observer, who pays attention to your child without interfering in his play. Many nannies find it difficult to simply observe a child, feeling that because they are being paid it is their job to entertain or "do" something with one's child. It's harder to observe than to entertain. Try to find a carer who is observant, is there when needed, and gives your child lots of time to be himself. A peaceful, gentle, accepting person is best." (pag.110 Yourself Confident Baby)
Why a calm, observant caregiver matters as much as a fun one
Years ago, I came across a passage by Magda Gerber about choosing a nanny. She recommended someone peaceful and reliable, someone who could watch a child play without feeling the need to step in and take over. One line has stayed with me: “It's harder to observe than to entertain.”
Imagine sitting beside a baby who is trying to reach a wooden ring. It is close enough to see but just beyond her fingertips. She stretches, pulls back, shifts her body, and tries again. You could hand it to her. You could shake another toy to make her smile, or praise every movement she makes. Those are such familiar ways to show a child we're paying attention.
But what happens if you stay nearby and watch, giving yourself time to understand what she is trying to do before deciding whether she needs your help? Perhaps she rests for a moment, reaches once more, and touches the ring. You are right there to share the moment with her, but the discovery is hers.
I have spent more than twenty-five years caring for children, and I still have to remind myself to pause. When you love a child, helping can feel almost automatic. And when caring for children is your job, you may feel pressure to prove you are working every minute: plan another activity, sing another song, fill every silence. Yet some of my most attentive moments as a nanny have looked very quiet from the outside.
That is what Magda helped me see through RIE® and Educaring®. Observation is active work. I am noticing what interests a child, how they move, when they are becoming tired or frustrated, and whether they want company, help, or a little more time. I am learning who this particular child is, rather than deciding in advance what should happen next.
Of course I sing, read, laugh, and go on walks with the children in my care. I love those parts of the day. There is room for games and adventures in a rich childhood. But I don't want a child to feel that play can only begin when I provide the idea, or that every quiet moment needs to be filled by an adult.
When parents describe the nanny they hope to find, I often hear words like fun, energetic, and engaging. I understand why. They want to imagine their child enjoying the day with someone warm and interested. Nannies use those words about themselves for much the same reason: we want families to know their children will be loved. I have used words like that, too.
Now I would ask a few more questions. Does this person enjoy being with a child without directing every moment? Can they notice a baby's cues during feeding or a diaper change? Will they tell a toddler what is happening, give them time to respond, and stay close when something is difficult? Can they share what they observe with parents without turning every day into a report card of milestones?
Those qualities can be harder to spot in an interview than enthusiasm for crafts or outings. I would invite a prospective nanny to spend some time with the child and watch how they meet each other. Notice whether the nanny gives the child a chance to approach, looks for their cues, and speaks to them as a person. Ask what they noticed afterward. There is no need for a perfect performance; you are looking for curiosity, warmth, and the ability to slow down.
And to nannies, I would say: you don't have to keep a child entertained to show how much you care. Learn about development, certainly, but also make time to know the child in front of you. Notice what they return to, what they can do for themselves, and when your presence helps most. Share those observations with their parents. Over time, that understanding becomes one of the most valuable things you bring into a home.
Sometimes a child needs us to act immediately. Sometimes they need comfort, a boundary, or an invitation to play. And sometimes the most respectful thing we can offer is our calm attention while they find their own way.
That is the nanny I continue trying to be.
What has a child shown you when you gave them time to lead? I'd love to hear from nannies and parents in the comments.
Below is a clear distinction between a well-intended caregiver and a knowledgeable educarer:
https://rie.org/what-is-an-educarer/
If you are a nanny, what is your approach? Philosophy? Or kind of service? And What values are you adding to that service when working for families? And if you are a parent what are your thoughts? Let us know! Thank you!